Ask the Expert: Why Did He Call It Off?


Question:Dear Christine,

We've been dating for 7 weeks, seeing each other once and sometimes twice a week. We have a great connection and really enjoy our time together. His job is extremely time-consuming and he's very tired most evenings. Things were going well in my opinion, and then two nights ago, he left me a voicemail message saying that he thought I should find someone who could give me what I need. He said he just doesn't have the time for a relationship because of the job, etc. An hour prior to him leaving this message for me, we had talked on the phone and I had made a comment about us seeing each other only once a week. Could this be what triggered him to call things off? Could it just be exhaustion talking? Should I give him some space and then see where things are? Should I just move on? PS. I'm 47 and he's 50. Why did he call it off?

Signed, He Called it Off

Answer: Dear HCO,

The first thing you need to think about is his basic character. You've been dating for 7 weeks (almost 2 months) and he broke up with you by voicemail! That is simply not acceptable. He could have easily said, "Please give me a call as I've got some things on my mind". Granted, he is near total exhaustion and the thought of giving more of himself is something he knew he couldn't do.

So yes, it may have been your request to see him more coupled with his exhaustion that drove him to the call BUT, let me point out, you did not do anything wrong by asking. As people who have been dating for 7 weeks, it was perfectly fine to bring up these issues to hopefully discuss.

I see both sides but my advice to you is to let him know how this voicemail made you feel and if it is still clear he is not willing to make any sacrifices at work to see you more, than move on.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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