Ask the Expert: High School Mixed Signals


Question:Dear Christine,

There is this girl at my high school and she has a boyfriend. She says she loves him but I think she just says that because their relationship is a lie. Her boyfriend tells her she can't talk to me but she doesn't listen and sneaks behind his back to hang out with me. In the summer we hung out and she told me she had a huge crush on me and wanted to kiss me on a few occasions but couldn't do that to her boyfriend. I had the chance to make them break up but couldn't do that to her because I really liked her. We always hang out and talk in school and share stupid laughs. She teases me for fun and tells me her problems. When her brother met me, he said "so this is who I've been hearing about", and she blushed. I am pretty sure she still likes me but I am not sure anymore, it has been awhile since she's actually told me she liked me. Then lately she always seems annoyed that I like her. She always asks "why do you still like me" or "my friend Shelby thinks you have a big crush on me for some odd reason". We are best friends and have the best times together. She makes me feel good and when I am sad or angry she is who I can talk to and she'll make me feel better and I would hate to want them to break up... I honestly don't know what the question is that I am asking. I guess I need an expert analysis of all this. Do you still think she likes me? Should I kiss her even though she has a boyfriend? What kinds of signs do girls send when they like you to try and keep it secret? With me, all of her friends say they can tell I like her and I don't know what they look for. I hear that people can tell she likes me too but I don't see those signs... I don't know, but please give me a response...

High School Miscommunication

Answer: Dear HSM,

The first thing you need to do is get clear on what a true friend is. The definition of a true friend is someone that you are able to talk to about anything without worry they are going to judge you or share your thoughts with others. A true friend will always stick up for you if others say something behind your back. A true friend does not play head games. A true friend does not say one thing and mean another. The reason I am saying all of this is because you need to get clear on what you are fighting for. Are you wanting her to be your friend or your girlfriend? It sounds like you really want her to be your girlfriend but will settle for being her friend. The problem is she is not acting like a true friend so in reality you are neither. You need to sit down with her and get a clear answer of exactly how she feels about you. Call her and set a time. If she only sees you as a friend, she needs to tell you this. If she sees you as more than a friend, than she needs to decide between her current boyfriend and you. Don't rely on what other people say about the situation - this is between you and her. Don't rely on trying to pick up signals if she likes you because her signals right now are very mixed. No, you should not kiss her while she has a boyfriend. You deserve to know exactly how she feels and exactly where you stand. Things will continue in this wishy- washy way for as long as you allow it to. It's entirely up to you to get some clarity so you can move forward in either direction - you will either deepen your friendship because you've been honest and open or you'll have yourself a new girlfriend.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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