Question:Dear Christine, I'm an attractive, smart, fun 37 year old woman (although I look 28-29). I seem to keep attracting transition guys.
The men seem to be in transition phases (want to see me but not ready for a relationship, on the rebound, or playing by "The Code" etc.), and often I don't find out until I'm feeling attached (its not that I don't try to find out). Then when things don't work out, I'm hurt. I'm now finding myself very guarded and vulnerable.
What can I do to get myself past this, and to change the men I'm attracting/attracted to?
Answer: Dear SR,
Feeling guarded and vulnerable is not an area you want to spend much time in. It can feel really limiting. There is a simple rule, when you change yourself, you can change who you are attracting. It's not to say that "transition" men will not still approach you but you will be able to pick up on the cues as though they had a billboard over their head. I'm going to guess that sometimes these men are sending signals but you are choosing to ignore them. A woman's strong instinct does not allow her to have things go completely over her head so be conscious of cues and tune in more to your instincts. Don't let yourself have thoughts like, "well this behavior is kind of like the last transition guy but it's different so I'm going to hang in there to see if things change". Your new self-language will be "well this behavior is kind of like the last transition guy and that is not what I'm looking for and that is not what I deserve so I'm going to stop dating him so that I am free to meet a non-transition guy".
Instead of feeling guarded and vulnerable, allow yourself to feel empowered that you now have a really strong "transition guy radar" and are now quick to use the exit door.
Eventually transition men will not enter your life because you simply value yourself on a different level. People always enter our lives to teach us something.
To your authenticity,