Ask the Expert: “I’m Nervous When It Comes To the Approach”


Question:I consider myself a pretty confident guy. I enjoy my career, I take good care of myself and have lots of friends. The problem is I get super nervous around women I’m attracted to. When I get the nerve to approach,  I don’t act like myself at all and I think they are looking at me like I’m a loser. I know I’ve missed a lot of opportunities because of this but I don’t know how to get better at it. Help!

Answer: We build up this inner dialogue on how we are not good at approaching women.

The truth is, it is a learned skill that requires time.

Below are your Three Basic Steps. Follow them and you will start to conquer your fear of approaching women.

Step #1 Passing Eye Contact:

The first thing you need to get under control is comfort when approaching women. You need to get yourself to a point where you can walk up to a woman and start talking to her without turning into an emotional wreck.

If you’re freaked out on the inside, it’s going to be pretty hard for you to act “normal” on the outside. It’s going to be even harder to try new things and use techniques if you aren’t able to relax a little.

Start to face your fear of approaching by simply smiling at women. Not a big teeth smile but more of a smile with your eyes and subtly with your mouth. It’s like a smile that exudes an appreciation for her beauty and nothing more. You can do this as you walk by on the street. It’s refreshing for a woman. You will eventually get yourself to a spot where you will smile AND say “Hi” …but one thing at a time.

Step #2 Passing Eye Contact & “Hi” combo:

Next, try to keep eye contact with a woman while you are smiling and then say “Hi”.

Again, you can do this as you walk by and you are going to commit to doing this A LOT until you beat your fear of women being unapproachable. A couple extra seconds of eye contact when saying “Hi” will do.

Step #3 Say something

Now try the next level. Go someplace like a coffee shop, grocery store or bookstore. At a coffee shop for example, most people need to visit the cream and sugar table. This is where you can have eye contact, then say “Hi”, then take a deep breath and make a comment or ask a question.

Keep it simple, comment about the environment or how much you love your morning coffee. You can do it! Don’t worry about starting a lengthy conversation; you are just wanting to progress from “Hi” and involve a few more words.

If she is responsive, ask her if she lives in the area or if she’s visiting. Ask her what her name is — simple stuff. Men worry about coming across as creepy at this point and as long as you are just being genuine and fun, she will enjoy the interaction while you practice your skills.

With practice, these 3 steps will aid you in overcoming your fear of approaching women. Try it out and let me know how it goes!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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