Ask the Expert: How to Play the Field & Should I have "3 on the Go?"



I’ve heard that you’ve mentioned this concept of always having "3 on the go.” I’m not really comfortable with dating more than one guy at a time. Isn’t it basically cheating?

Answer: The reason I recommend that many of my date coaching clients have “3 on the go” is because it really helps you keep perspective.

Allow me to breakdown a typical dating scenario. You meet a guy, you think he’s ‘okay, but you’re “not sure”… Then you continue dating him for months in an effort to “give him a chance” or uncover some lost portion of him that would make him perfect. That’s when you get into the head space that you need to make this work because there might not be other guys out there that are as good as he is, and he’s pretty “okay”. So, you try to overlook things that aren’t working…and so on, and so on.

Meanwhile the reality is that 6 months have flown by and you spent all of that time focused on one ‘kinda, sorta’ relationship prospect. Now if you had 3 on the go, you would have kept perspective and really considered what was and was not working for you with each man.

Don’t worry, I am not suggesting you become intimate with all 3 men! If you decide to take on this approach I recommend that you follow some basic rules of honesty. You will, and should, steal some kisses here and there but you should also openly express that you are casually dating other people. You will naturally gravitate to and spend more time with the guy who you feel best about and at that time you will have a conversation about exclusivity. This generally corresponds with conversations around getting intimate. This effective approach means you are being honest (you are telling the men you are dating that you are dating others), being proactive and keeping your options open until you are truly sure, not kinda-sorta sure.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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