Ask the Expert: I Was So Nervous, I Ignored Him


Question:This guy has been glancing at me for months now and we got to know each other on one occasion where he introduced himself. Unfortunately, when he did, I ignored him (because I was so nervous). Following that, on two other occasions when I saw him, he seemed a bit pissed. Last week I tried to initiate a conversation but he was a bit cold, no eye contact at all. How should I deal with this now? Was he ever interested?

Too Nervous

Answer: Dear TN,

Sorry to say it but the guy has a right to appear "a bit pissed". You likely gave him some signals to say it was okay to approach you and then when you totally ignored him, it likely hurt his ego a lot.

Okay, so what are going to do about it? You need to shift into apology mode. This poor guy's defense mechanisms have kicked in and that is why he is not responding to you with conversation or eye contact. You need to walk right up to him and give him his ego back. Find a time where he is on his own and the first words out of your mouth should be something like, "Hi, my name is.....I want to apologize for the other day. You caught me a little off guard. I've seen you around and I'm glad you came up to talk to me. Can I buy you a coffee sometime?" There the tough part is over and his ego will be mildly repaired. During coffee, you can mention you were a little nervous and that is why you ignored him - even crack a joke about yourself and your nerves.

Enjoy your coffee,

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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