Ask the Expert: "I get so nervous!"


Question:Hi Christine,

I'm a very outgoing person in most situations but, when it comes to dating, I get so nervous and have a hard time being myself. Is there anything you can recommend to loosen up and just enjoy myself?


Answer: Dear MR,

This is very common. We can be super confident and outgoing with our friends but as soon as Mr. Right steps within inches of us, we turn into a bit of a mess. What you need to do is have a specific action or mantra reminder with you that tells you to chill. For example, you meet a guy, you think he's great, you know that you have a tendency to get really nervous so before you allow yourself to go down that road, you lightly dig your thumbnail into your index finger as a sort of reminder to yourself, "you are starting to act really nervous so just breathe and chill, breathe and chill, breathe and chill". It's a way of calling yourself on your own behavior and combines both physical and mental stimuli to help it resonate. Public speakers and athletes use this method all the time. Even if you have to do it 20 times in an hour for the first bit, your body will learn to just breathe and chill. Another way is to flood yourself with confident mantras like, "I am fabulous. I am confident. I am a real catch". Take time before the date and throughout the date to say these things to yourself and breathe deeply.

Nervousness can actually be a good thing because it lets you know you are definitely into this person. Don't be too hard on yourself and start applying these suggestions. I know they'll help!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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