How to End a Relationship


This is a touchy subject for most people as there is no easy way to sever a relationship, particularly one of long-term commitment. The facts are, break-ups are a very common occurrence, so let's get rid of the taboo and discuss it. We realize there are a ton of specific factors in every relationship but these are some general guidelines to ease the process. In this post, I'll be talking about how to end a relationship with grace and achieve - when done right - the best possible outcome for both partners. The very first thing to do is to get your break-up leanings square with yourself. Determine what exactly has gone wrong, how you are compromising your true self and how your relationship expectations are not being met.


FIRST: CREATE AN ENVIRONMENT: Don't go out for dinner or to another highly public place. We suggest one of the two party's homes or to a park setting, perhaps staying in the car.

SECOND: BE HONEST: In order to minimize the amount of emotional baggage and trauma from the breakup, it is of utmost importance to be as honest as possible. While being cautious of using statements that are hurtful, you must explain to your partner what is missing and what you are experiencing that leaves you dissatisfied in the relationship.

THIRD: IT TAKES TWO! : You must consider that you are perhaps not an innocent party in the relationship's downfall, so let the dumpee know that you recognize and take ownership of your own faults. Apologize for the things that you may have done which hurt your partner, and wherever possible, forgive your partner too. Try to avoid "you did this" and "you don't do that" in your discussions, it will only initiate your partner to become defensive and perhaps the situation to escalate into a fight. You cared about this person enough to date; you should now care enough about them to leave gracefully. The time that it may take to have these discussions may seem futile since you, being the dumper, have already deemed the relationship as being over. Remember, you are often catching them completely off guard. In some cases, particularly with a long-term relationship, seeing a counselor together to 'undo' the relationship may be a good idea.

GENERAL RULES FOR BREAK-UPS: RULE #1: Although it is very hard to tell someone that you're moving on, it's not fair to take those steps while keeping the other person in the dark. If you're starting to think about seeing other people, be honest, (refer to step 2 above) tell your partner this very delicately, allowing them to express themselves. Do not be intimate with someone else just because you've already decided your relationship is over. If this has happened, again be honest, because 'finding out' hurts a lot more than being told. If you are bold enough to cheat, be bold enough to tell. Not to mention what it'll do to your karma! Remember, what goes around, always comes around in some form or another.

RULE #2: If you decide to remain friends after the breakup, we suggest taking a 'break' for at least a few months to clear the air of any hard feelings. Sometimes people are able to remain true friends after dating, but more often than not one party is still smitten and hangs on in hopes that there may be a second chance. Consider this persons feelings and then gauge whether it is fair to them to continue seeing each other platonically.

RULE #3: Lastly, take care of yourself during this time and do not lose sight of whats most important - you. Life is short and you must be true to yourself and never compromise what you really want from life. We know that it's very hard to hurt someone's feelings, but your own happiness is first and foremost - and if you don't have that than you are not doing anyone any favors by sticking it out and being untrue.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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