Ask the Expert: How Do I Improve My Small Talk Skills?



My question is I seem to have trouble keeping the conversations going with women. I know it's a two-way street, however, maybe I lack confidence with small talk. What are some things I can practice doing or thinking about so I can get better at this? I think I need work on making my life sound more exciting than I am making it out to be. T

Thanks, Small Talk Novice

Answer: Dear STN,

The easiest way to make improvements with small talk is to take the focus off yourself and place it on the lady you are talking to. Good conversation is all about focusing on making the other person feel good about themselves. Ask some easy flowing questions, because really, we all love to talk about ourselves and it takes the pressure off you. When you are asked about yourself, try to think about re-phrasing your existing attributes so they are not boring. The easiest way to avoid this is not to get really specific about anything, especially work issues, cars, sci fi movies, etc. Talk about your attributes but in a very modest way. All too often men lay out all their best attributes in the first 5 minutes and then they have nowhere to go. Whenever you feel tongue tied, ask a question. Remember to listen, listen, listen so you can easily turn around and ask questions. For example, if she says she went traveling in South America, ask her what country she liked best and why.

Additionally, work on subtle flirtations and humor. Women love to laugh and feel attractive at the same time. It does not have to be big and showy, just a simple, "that's a really nice color on you" or "I love your smile" compliment somewhere in the conversation.

With practice, you will get better at small talk and it will positively affect all areas of your life.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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