Ask the Expert: He's So Last Minute


Question:Dear Christine,

I have been going out with a guy for one month (fyi no intimacy). He is 32 and I am 29. He always asks me out one hour before the time to go out and then after we go out, he may not call for a day or two. I have asked him to call me earlier and am always trying to find out in advance what we might be doing but this doesn't work. This last time he asked me out at five for drinks and dinner for that night and I told him I already had a date but thanked him for asking. However, I really didn't have a date. Was that horrible of me and is that bad what I did?

No Advanced Notice

Answer: Dear NAN,

To answer your question, it was not horrible to say you already had a date. In fact, good for you! He currently holds all the cards because he is dictating where the date will be, when it will be and for you to be available on a moment's notice. This is not right and will not lead to a healthy relationship. If you enjoy this man's company and would like to continue seeing him, you need to set some boundaries. You have asked for more notice, yet you still go out with him on short notice, therefore he essentially has no motivation to give you advanced notice. See the pattern? You teach people how to treat you. If he continues to refuse to give you advanced notice, that will tell you the effort he is willing to put into getting to spend time with you. It's courtesy really.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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