Ask the Expert: He's Sending Mixed Messages


Question:Dear Christine,

I met a guy through work and we seemed to really hit it off. So far we have gone for "business" lunches that last for around 2hrs because we both seem to lose track of time! I have made some pretty obvious suggestions that we should see each other outside of work, and he has too.. but he doesn't ask. I tried to ask him out, and he said that he had other plans. Am I just wasting my time with this guy, or should I be patient and let him make the next move?

Dating Challenged & Frustrated

Answer: Dear Dating Challenged & Frustrated,

I can see why you are frustrated. You are receiving a lot of mixed messages from this guy. In order to make a decision, focus on what he DOES rather than what he says. His score is low in the "Does Department" right now because, 1) He has not asked you out despite suggestions you've made, 2) When you asked him out, he said he had other plans BUT did not suggest an alternate time. Granted, he may have very well had other plans but, again, he didn't suggest another time. He says he would like to see you outside of work but, until he asks you, you should open yourself up to other options. In the future, keep your business meetings short (no more 2 hour ones!) and schedule something that makes you feel good afterward. Send a quick text prior if you like, "Hi! I can only meet for an hour today because I'm meeting my friend at the gym". Because of the way men are wired, if you are too available, they lose interest.  I know, I know, it's a detail but it's true. Allow him to make the first move as you have given more than enough indication you would say yes if he were to ask you out. In the meantime, keep your options open.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?