Ask the Expert: But What About My Ideas?


Question:I have been dating this guy for about a year now. I am always the one that is trying to do things that he enjoys, but when it comes to something I want to do he comes up with excuses why he can't. When I try to talk to him about it and tell him that I am upset he starts to turn the whole argument about how he has been wronged. Please help me as I am on the end of my rope. I really care for him and want to make this work. But I am just so tired now. How about getting him to compromise?

Answer: Well, sounds like there is a lot going on here. A good relationship is all based on balance - you give as much as you receive. I would be able to understand if your interests revolved around manicures and shopping for make-up, but it sounds like you are thinking up ideas of fun activities you can both do together. This type of behaviour on his part is frankly, selfish. You may want to take a look at where else in your relationship this type of behaviour appears. Are there patterns? How comfortable with these patterns are you? The bonus of being in a relationship should be that you get to do fun stuff together that you both enjoy. Sure there are going to be times when it is more one person's idea than the other but that's a compromise for the joy of just being able to spend time together. Only doing things that he likes and receiving a guilt trip on how he's been wronged when you suggest your ideas is not right. Get to the core of why you are given guilt trips and let things develop as they may from there.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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