Picture yourself going to the gym alone or with a friend, do you really put in the effort? Like are you inching up those reps or weights on a consistent basis knowing you will get results if you do?
I didn’t think so. ;)
The same goes for dating. Sooooo many times over the years, I heard stories from clients where they would say they are putting in the effort, think they are putting in the effort, but ultimately they weren’t.
Here’s what I mean, before working with a coach, clients would be doing one or all of the following:
Go on one bad date and then dismiss the dating scene for a year.
Like a guy, think he is smart and funny but say no to a 2nd date because of the way he dressed.
Go to a singles event or even a pub for a drink and clam up the moment they had an opportunity to speak to someone they were attracted to.
Whenever you hire a coach, it is because you are okay at something you want to be great at. You are looking for accountability and that feeling of constant improvement. I know for myself, if I am working with a personal fitness trainer, I am working extra hard and I am getting all my workouts in between appointments. My trainer is tracking my results, we go over the wins (I made all my workouts) and my areas of improvement (my love for pizza and chocolate).
When you hire a dating coach, you set goals much like you would with a personal trainer. So if your goal is to be in a serious relationship in 6 months, your coach works backwards to see what you need to start doing now and on a weekly basis in order to achieve that.
For example, to be in a serious relationship in 6 months, you need to get out there on some dates, right? I know, I know, we ALL wish it would “just happen”. But seeing as we aren’t all paid actors in the most recent RomCom, it becomes a numbers game. You want to average 1-2 dates a week, which means you need to be exposed to about 10 prospects a week. Prospects are defined as “people you might consider”, whether it be a guy at a party who looks cute or a guy online who has an interesting profile. A prospect is not the people you swipe left to! For various reasons, those 10 prospects will manifest into 5 phone calls and 2 of those prospects will be men you meet in person for a date. See the math? I know, not romantic but we are making goals here. Some of my clients had a lot of fun with this - making detailed spreadsheets, etc. You don’t have to do that but a coach will be the one who helps you keep going when you just can’t do another rep. They KNOW if you do, you will get results.
A coach will also remind you to have fun. So often, we take ourselves too seriously and forget to do things like flirt or smile or get out of our head and be in the present moment.
A coach also becomes your confidant. We can get caught up in the variety of advice we get from friends, family and co-workers and not know what to do. Someone will say “text him this” and another will say, “leave it be, he needs to take the initiative”. Working with a dating coach, you have one qualified person to go to for advice and guidance who actually knows what gets results for their clients and isn’t biased by their own personal experiences.
Again, think of it like being similar to personal fitness training. You can go to the gym and “kind of” workout, or you can hire a trainer to make sure you get the results you want.