single

6 "Single" Stereotypes That Got it Wrong

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If you’re single, there’s a good chance that your couple friends and family can sometimes find it hard to relate to you. Perhaps they’ve offered to set you up with someone they know, made a comment or asked a question that made you feel awkward, or regularly check in to ask if you’re “still single.” This is because your friends and family, like many people within our relationship-focused culture, have grown to believe certain stereotypes over time. Sure, there may be downsides to being single, but there are a whole lot of upsides too. This post talks about exactly what – the six stereotypes about being single that got it totally wrong. 1. It’s So Hard Cooking for One

Cooking for yourself, and just yourself, can be incredibly enjoyable. This is your chance to be adventurous, explore different cuisines and never have to compromise on the menu. Love pineapple and olives on your pizza? Do your thing. It’s 100% up to you! Plus, with so many cook-at-home subscriptions and grocers offering options that cater to those seeking smaller portions than the traditional four-person household, it can not only be enjoyable but affordable as well.

2. You Can’t Enjoy Traveling

There’s no denying that traveling on your own is different from traveling with a partner, but that doesn’t mean it’s not just as exciting or fulfilling. In fact, traveling on your own can be the most rewarding experience of your life if you approach it with the right mindset. Take the opportunity to go somewhere you’ve always wanted to, step outside your comfort zone and make lasting friendships and memories. Not only that, but you’re gaining life experience and amazing stories to share with your future partner.

3. You’re a Workaholic

Being single doesn’t equate to being a workaholic or lacking in life balance. Actually, it’s pretty likely that you have a more balanced life and greater time for your passions than many couples do. You set your own schedule, only have yourself to answer to and have the complete ability to do what you want. Want to pour yourself into your career and land your dream promotion? Want to commit to living a mindful life and take off on a yoga treat in Bali? Want to live a totally balanced life that allows for rewarding work and personal time? It’s your call and no one else’s.

4. You Just Don’t Know What You Want

There’s a preconceived notion that a single person may be single because he or she doesn’t know what they want, or because they are being “too picky.” There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting the bar high and refusing to settle – and this can be difficult for those in a relationship to understand at times, as often sometimes people define success in life by finding a partner, getting married and having children. Remind yourself that it’s not that you don’t know what you want. In fact, it’s just the opposite. You want to live your fullest life, find the right partner and do it in a way that makes you happy.

5. Happy Couples Annoy You

Just because you’re single doesn’t automatically mean that you dislike happy couples or no longer want to hang out with your “couple friends.” Sure, feeling like the third wheel can be a little challenging at times, but you are a mindful adult capable of determining whether or not you like someone based on their individual actions. You see a couple as two equal partners, not as a single being. Some people in relationships may rub you the wrong way, but it’s not because of the fact that they’re in a relationship. You don’t breathe life into stereotypes.

6. You Must Be So Lonely

Have you ever heard the phrase, “I’ve never felt so lonely than when standing in a room full of people?” You see, anyone is capable of experiencing a sense of loneliness. Those in relationships still do experience loneliness from time to time, sometimes more emotional than physical, but still just as valid. And, being single doesn’t mean that you’re sitting at home by yourself. Many of my single clients take full advantage of their autonomy by trying new restaurants, spending more time with friends, following a passion or hobby they’ve put off and by filling their time with the people and things they love.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How to Stop Stressing About Being Single for the Holidays

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I often hear from my clients about how the idea of being single for the holidays stresses them out. And, you know what? They’re not alone. There’s a period of time that stretches from Thanksgiving to Valentine’s Day where single people feel more pressure than ever to pair up and find their match. Often times, you’ll see different magazines and blogs writing about how easy or wonderful it is to find love over the holidays. Talk about pressure! So, you know what, friend? I say “no way.” This year, instead of stressing about being single or seeing every holiday party as hunting grounds for your next date, let’s kick pressure to the curb. As if the holidays aren’t already busy and frenzied enough. This, my friend, is your guide to stopping the stress and truly enjoying the holiday season as your single self.

Realize You Have Total Freedom

Being single over the holidays, and the rest of the year really, means that you have total freedom. You’ve only got one schedule to keep tabs on and that is yours. Feel like spending a Saturday catching up on sleep or scooting out of work a touch early to catch an early show? Go for it. Not into the idea of spending the entire holidays home with the family? Use up those rewards miles and take yourself on a beachy getaway. And, if, on the other hand, you can’t get enough of your family’s many holiday traditions, let the good times roll – you don’t need to be anywhere else.

Treat Yourself to Something Special

Instead of buying a gift for a partner, use this opportunity to treat yourself to something special. You’ve worked hard all year, are rocking the single life and deserve it. So, fire up your laptop or head on down to the mall and get that bag, coat, fragrance or gorgeous lingerie set you’ve been eyeing. Rewarding yourself for being you, and for tackling the season solo, is a fantastic feeling. Heck, you really don’t need to wait for the holidays to do it!

Know that you’re Not the Only One… Even if It Feels That Way

Even though you might feel like you’re the only single person in your family/group of friends/office, let me assure you that there are millions and millions of people all over the world that are single. You, my friend, are absolutely not alone! On that note, the holidays are actually a fantastic time of year to feel anything but alone. There’s always an event, dinner or just a bunch of family members sitting around and catching up. Instead of hanging back or playing the wallflower, join in on the fun and allow yourself to be a part of it all. When the "lonelies" come on, feel it for a moment, take a deep breath and then re-engage.

Allow Yourself to Say “Yes” and Experience the Magic of the Holidays

With a bit more free time and a whole lot more events, the holidays are an amazing time to get out there and experience something new. Are a group of coworkers heading downtown for drinks? Go with them! Are your friends from college meeting up to visit your old haunting grounds? Say “yes.” Do you have the opportunity to patch things up with someone from your past, or make amends with someone you’ve recently got off on the wrong foot with? You’ve guessed it, go ahead and do it.

There’s something seriously magical about the holidays that just brings people together, fills the air with joy and makes everything better. Don’t let yourself miss out on the magic by feeling alone. You deserve more, so go get it!

View the New Year as Full of Opportunity

With the New Year comes a whole new start and a ton of opportunity. If finding love is on your to-do list, view the New Year as being full of chances for that to happen. And, once you’ve decided that’s so, leave it at that – at least ‘til January 1st. The holidays are about having fun, letting loose and reconnecting with those already in your lives. Sure, it’ll be great if you wind up meeting new people, but there’s no need to put unnecessary pressure on yourself to make it happen right now.

So, step outside, let the snowflakes fall where they may (if you’ve already gotten snow, that is) and know that you’ve got this. Here’s to a magic-filled holiday season, friend. 

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

 

Ask the Expert: Mid 30s and Tired of Being Single

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Question:I’m a guy in my early 30s never married and have a problem dating anyone long term. Here’s the problem, I date people that I am somewhat attracted to rather than someone I am really attracted to. I do this because I have a hard time meeting people I am really attracted to that have the personality, drive or similar family values as myself. But after I start dating these girls, I think about wanting to date someone else who I am more attracted to. I never tell the girls I am dating because I don’t want to hurt their feelings and really they are beautiful people, but how do I get over this? Any suggestions?

Answer: It sounds like you are questioning whether beauty on the outside can be matched by beauty on the inside because it hasn’t been proven to you yet. This is a fair question. It does not mean that in the meantime you need to date women you feel somewhat attracted to though. You are toying with their hopes and plans for the future while you try to convince yourself you are attracted to them because they are good people and you don’t want to hurt their feelings. I encourage you to find a balance half-way between “somewhat” and “really” attracted to. You already know the feelings that you have when dating someone you are somewhat attracted to but dating someone you are really attracted to can also present problems. You contort yourself to impress them rather than being your true self. You essentially set yourself up for a relationship based on an alternate version of you and it’s filled with insecurity. Your balance will be in dating a woman who makes you feel good about yourself and inspires you. You think she looks hot in yoga gear but it’s her personality and values that really makes you like her. Now, go and find her!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
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Ask the Expert: Dear Miss Independent

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Question:I really like my independent life but I would also like to be in a relationship. I’m having a hard time communicating this on dates and I think it’s the reason some guys don’t call me back after the 1st date. I don’t want men to get intimidated by me but I don’t want to hide how great I am. Help!

Miss Independent

Answer: Dear Miss Independent,

As a single lady, independence is something you have gotten used to right? Some days you love your independence and other days you loathe it, I know. As a single woman you get very used to doing things on your own like exercise, traveling or fixing stuff around the house. You become more and more self-sufficient despite your desire to have a man in your life.

It can sometimes be difficult because as you are spending time alone, you spend a significant amount of time thinking about wanting a boyfriend. You may even do up a vision board about him, dream about him and wonder endlessly where he is.

And then he appears…… and you have a date with him. Yay! You’re excited and meet up with him for drinks. Here enters the problem. You spend the entire date going on and on about how independent you are and how you don’t really NEED anyone! You wonder why he never calls again.

This is one of the topics I cover in my workshops. Men need to feel needed! It’s simple. Where does he fit in your life if you come off as fiercely independent?

Okay, a similar mistake is the women that have intensely busy schedules but have a strong desire to meet a guy. You know these women and you might even be one. They love to go on and on and on about how busy their lives are whenever they’re given a chance. They start every voice mail or every email with “oh my gosh, I’ve been so busy” or “things are crazy, when are we meeting again?”, or something similar – you know what I mean.

When you are out on a date with a guy, of course he wants to hear about the things that are going on in your life but he doesn’t want to be consistently reminded that he’s going to be somewhere down the line of priorities. Don’t mistake this for a man’s need to have a bit of challenge. He wants to be involved in your life, not a convenient add-on. When a guy asks you out on a date, don’t list off all the times you are not available. Take a moment to pause and focus on the times you are available and name a few.

Be okay with showing your openness to sharing your life. It’s what you ultimately want, right?

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

Ask the Expert: “I’m Nervous When It Comes To the Approach”

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Question:I consider myself a pretty confident guy. I enjoy my career, I take good care of myself and have lots of friends. The problem is I get super nervous around women I’m attracted to. When I get the nerve to approach,  I don’t act like myself at all and I think they are looking at me like I’m a loser. I know I’ve missed a lot of opportunities because of this but I don’t know how to get better at it. Help!

Answer: We build up this inner dialogue on how we are not good at approaching women.

The truth is, it is a learned skill that requires time.

Below are your Three Basic Steps. Follow them and you will start to conquer your fear of approaching women.

Step #1 Passing Eye Contact:

The first thing you need to get under control is comfort when approaching women. You need to get yourself to a point where you can walk up to a woman and start talking to her without turning into an emotional wreck.

If you’re freaked out on the inside, it’s going to be pretty hard for you to act “normal” on the outside. It’s going to be even harder to try new things and use techniques if you aren’t able to relax a little.

Start to face your fear of approaching by simply smiling at women. Not a big teeth smile but more of a smile with your eyes and subtly with your mouth. It’s like a smile that exudes an appreciation for her beauty and nothing more. You can do this as you walk by on the street. It’s refreshing for a woman. You will eventually get yourself to a spot where you will smile AND say “Hi” …but one thing at a time.

Step #2 Passing Eye Contact & “Hi” combo:

Next, try to keep eye contact with a woman while you are smiling and then say “Hi”.

Again, you can do this as you walk by and you are going to commit to doing this A LOT until you beat your fear of women being unapproachable. A couple extra seconds of eye contact when saying “Hi” will do.

Step #3 Say something

Now try the next level. Go someplace like a coffee shop, grocery store or bookstore. At a coffee shop for example, most people need to visit the cream and sugar table. This is where you can have eye contact, then say “Hi”, then take a deep breath and make a comment or ask a question.

Keep it simple, comment about the environment or how much you love your morning coffee. You can do it! Don’t worry about starting a lengthy conversation; you are just wanting to progress from “Hi” and involve a few more words.

If she is responsive, ask her if she lives in the area or if she’s visiting. Ask her what her name is — simple stuff. Men worry about coming across as creepy at this point and as long as you are just being genuine and fun, she will enjoy the interaction while you practice your skills.

With practice, these 3 steps will aid you in overcoming your fear of approaching women. Try it out and let me know how it goes!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!