Happiness

How to Say "Yes" to Love, Even if You Haven't Met Anyone Yet

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One of the most common reasons people give as to why they stop dating or close themselves off from love is, “I just never seem to find anybody right for me.” Spending time and money on online dating, speed dating or even just the emotional spend of meeting people through friends or family can get old fast when you feel that it just “never works out.” If you feel this way, I want you to know that I completely understand where you’re coming from. It’s in our nature to avoid doing something if we know it didn't work out last time around. But, should we really be treating finding love the same way we treat finding the right hobby or sport? You guessed it, friend. The answer is a resounding, "No!"

Something I talk about quite often is that, in love and life, it’s so incredibly important to keep an open mind and open heart. Lately, I find that I can't say it enough! While it might sound corny, I truly do believe that things happen for a reason – and always in their own time. There are some things that we simply can’t force, rush or make happen simply by planning. Love, and I'm sure you can see where I'm going with this, is one of those things.

So, how are you supposed to stay open to the idea of love when things haven’t been going your way? Why should you say “yes” to love if you feel that you never meet anyone right for you? These are both incredibly valid questions. In fact, they're the reasons I’m writing this post today. I want to give you some real, actionable ways that you can begin opening yourself up to the possibility of love starting today. I think you’ll find that when you open your mind and heart, that’s when the real magic starts to happen. So, let's jump into it!

1. Leave the Story in the Past, but Take the Lesson with You

Everyone, at some point, has experienced a bad relationship. It may have been romantic. It could have been a friendship. Or, it could even have been with a coworker. When it comes down to it, something went wrong and things didn’t turn out. What I really, really want you to do is to leave that negative experience in the past and not carry it with you on your journey forward.

While failed relationships can offer great opportunities for learning, it’s important that you recognize the learning for what it is and only take that forward in your life – and that you leave the rest in the past. It’s natural to want to protect yourself and to put up walls or barriers, but when you start building more and more of these walls you eventually become entirely closed off. And that makes it even harder for fantastic, new people to make their way into your life.

2. Be Ready for Love by Loving Yourself

I’ve written before about the concept of “like attracting like.” If you’re self-critical and so focused on all the reasons why someone else wouldn’t like you, you’re not opening yourself up to meeting someone – and certainly not allowing for a relationship to truly flourish. It’s been said time and time again, but you honestly do have to learn to love yourself before you’ll truly be comfortable putting yourself out there and saying “yes” to love with another person.

I’d encourage you to browse through some of my older posts to read the different ways you can foster greater self-acceptance and self-love. I believe you’ll find that when you are your happiest, most authentic self is when you’ll attract the right people into your life.

3. Give Yourself a Break

Something I know can be tough to deal with is societal pressure – and this absolutely includes pressure from friends and family. This "pressure" that I speak of may come in the form of them asking about why you’re single. It may come in the form of a comment like, “If you want a family then you better settle down soon!” These types of comments aren’t always meant to be hurtful. In fact, the people saying them usually have no idea the negative energy the words can carry. These types of thoughts have been engrained into people’s heads by way of societal pressure and what society defines as “normal.” The thing is, there is no real “normal.”

We live in a world that’s evolving faster than ever before. More women are building careers and working full time than ever before. Industries are changing, booming and collapsing at rapid speeds. People aren’t living in one place for all their lives and are traveling more than any previous generation. Everything, and I mean everything, is moving faster and in new and different ways and we're all just along for the thrilling ride. There are so many factors at play that didn’t exist in the past. And yet, for some reason, the expectation as to what a “societal norm” should be really hasn’t caught up. And, hey, that's really not a bad thing. Norms aren't a healthy, beneficial way of thinking - so let's leave that all in the past and push forward.

So, friend, I challenge you to kick any and all pressure you've been feeling to the curb. Rushing into a relationship with someone who may not be a truly genuine fit for you, just because you want to start a family by a certain age or tick things off of a "to do" list, likely isn’t going to fill your heart with joy in the long run. Given that we only have one life to live, I encourage you to give yourself a break. Just slow down, take a breath and allow yourself to make the most out of this crazy, incredible life you’ve been given. And when that true, overwhelming love finds its way into your life, the rest will fall into place from there.

4. When You Feel a Spark, Fan It!

The last point I want to share before I close off today’s post and let you return to your much-deserved weekend is that, when you feel a spark, you mustn't be afraid to fan it and see what happens. Don’t let yourself get caught up with what “might” happen – good or bad – and just go with it. We, as humans, tend to spend a lot of time over-thinking and analyzing things. What we need to remind ourselves to do, however, is to let go and really allow ourselves to experience and feel. So, I'm encouraging you to do just that!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How to Persevere When Your Plan Doesn’t Unfold Perfectly

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  I speak a lot on my blog, in my newsletter and with my clients about the importance of leaving some wiggle room in any plan. Having a game plan is important and helps keep you on track and pushing in the right direction, but it’s inevitable that something somewhere along the line isn’t going to unfold as perfectly as you’d like. And that’s OK. Heck, sometimes that’s when you really strike gold and find an even better path to fulfillment and happiness than you could ever have dreamt of.

With all that being said, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that speed bumps and U-turns on your road to living an authentic, fulfilling life aren’t discouraging. Sometimes the bump’s not so major and it’s easy enough to keep jugging along. Other times it’s a much larger wrench that gets thrown into things and it can feel as though you’re never going to achieve what you’re trying to, or you may even sit and wonder if you’ve made a huge mistake trying in the first place.

Friend, I want you to know that taking steps (even backwards steps) on the path to living the life you are called to live is major progress. It’s more than a lot of people on this planet wind up doing in their entire lives, so take a moment to celebrate your very intention to take the journey.

The universe is never going to stop throwing you curve balls. It’s also never going to stop presenting you with prime opportunities to leap forward and experience an abundance of happiness – it’s all about being ready for when it happens and not pumping the brakes on your momentum. To help you persevere when times get tough and stay motivated, I really want you to take note of the following three tips and do your best to put them into action.

1. Have an Attitude of Expectancy, But Don’t Allow Pessimistic Thoughts

Acknowledging that life’s filled with opportunities and obstacles is one thing. Assuming that no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to get anywhere is another. Move forward in life and in your goals with an “attitude of expectancy.” Expect obstacles, but focus on how these speed bumps will push you to seek creative solutions and be even better. Expect greatness of yourself, even if that greatness is getting your butt to the gym once a week or doing a little DIY juicing.

If you can visualize overcoming a problem and achieving your goals, you can make it happen.

2. Be Authentically Positive

I urge you to seek out the positive in situations and do so authentically which in my books, means dropping what feels fake positive and moving toward what feels genuinely positive. When you build a new relationship, encounter a new experience or find yourself dealing with a dilemma – truly look for the positive elements. When you put this into practice on a regular basis, you’ll find yourself feeling happier and forming stronger bonds with others, developing a greater self-appreciation and will be able to more easily envision your future achievements and have confidence in your goals.

3. Know When to Ask For Help

Knowing when to leverage the skills and expertise of others is a sign of exceptionally great leadership and entrepreneurship. If you’ve hit a roadblock and feel as though you can’t trek forward alone – don’t! Reach out to a fellow college alumni, dial up your mentor (or find a mentor!) or even bounce some ideas off a friend. Humans aren’t programmed to be entirely independent all of the time. We need discussion, collaboration and interaction. In fact, we greatly benefit from interacting with our peers.

I’m going to end this post with a quote I like and feel is especially relevant to this post. It goes, “The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” As you begin a new day, chapter or venture, I encourage you to keep this in mind. Recite it, write it down or just let it run through your mind every once in a while. Every step is worth celebrating and every speed bump should remind you that you’re moving.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
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How Your Happiness Delights the World Around You

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We’ve all heard the saying, “A smile is contagious.” But, when we’re so immersed in our day-to-day lives, it can be easy to forget the powerful impact our smile can have on not only ourselves, but the world around us. Can you think of a time you saw someone smiling or laughing and it made you do the same thing? Even if it was just a small "corner of the mouth" smile. Contagious! :) There have been times in my life and particularly in the last 2 years, where I literally wanted to tell a person or even a stranger how much their smile meant to me. It sometimes seemed odd that I didn't share their impact but often, I just quietly accepted the gift and noted the impact. Knowing that a lot of people are shy to share the impact, I try to approach my interactions with others like "you just never know what is going on in their life so a good approach is a genuine smile and kindness."

When you are living a truly authentic, grateful life and seek to recognize the privilege of your life, this radiates from within. Your friends, family, coworkers and even strangers on the street can sense you are on a journey of seeking peace within. Your happiness and even your desire for happiness affects them. Here’s how, and why, it works:

Your Happiness Expands Your Thinking and Tolerance Levels

When you are in a positive mind space, you are more likely to practice a greater level of tolerance and acceptance than when you’re thinking negative thoughts. Your mind is more open to new experiences, cultures, people and ways of life. I believe lack of tolerance has a major affect on the global levels of anger, hate and war.

Your Happiness Inspires Others to Live More Happily

When other people see you smiling, laughing and enjoying life, it encourages and inspires them to look at how they can do the same. It's rarely an overnight switch but think of times you have left interactions with a positive person and have felt better about your current situation. If not better, than maybe a shift in perspective will eventually lead to better. We all need people in our lives to inspire us to look at things differently.

Your Genuine Nature Draws People to You

Nothing is more attractive than genuine happiness. Your authentic smile draws people in and your positive, upbeat attitude welcomes new friends, acquaintances and even relationships. In fact, over the years, I've had many clients comment on how being genuine is increasingly important in new and lasting relationships. It's like you can fully relax around someone who is being genuine. Many of us feel vulnerable when we are being genuine but trust me, it's the best place to be and draws like-minded people to you.

Your Happiness Comforts Others

Everyone loves having a friend they can depend on when times get tough. Your ability to seek out the silver lining and bright side of things provides comfort and reassurance to those around you. When you yourself are then going through a rough patch in your own life, those same people will be there to offer the same comfort and reassurance to you. People want to be there and support someone who routinely lifts them up in life.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
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How to Discover Happiness in Your Everyday Life… Starting Today

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Happiness. It’s the goal we strive for and how we measure self-achievement. You may believe you’ll be “happy” once you get that raise you’ve been after. Perhaps your happiness rests on buying a new house or trading in your car. It might mean a certain salary, number of friends or the freedom to travel as you please. Or, maybe, it’s in a strong relationship with an amazing partner. Whatever the cause, chances are that you, too, are chasing happiness. The thing about happiness, however, is that it’s the product of making a conscious decision to experience the feeling. No amount of money, no beautiful home and no perfect partner can truly make you happy if you don’t choose to be so. The same can be said for the reverse – I’ve met many fantastic, over-the-moon happy people over the years that are incredibly humble and content to live within small means. It all comes down to choice.

In this post, I’d like to share with you a few ways to make the conscious effort to live more happily. You might be surprised at how much happiness is just sitting there waiting for you in your everyday life. Read on, friend!

5. Take Inventory of Your Surroundings

When you woke up this morning, was it in a reasonably comfortable bed with covers and a pillow? Were you able to choose from a closet of clothes and brush your teeth with clean, drinkable water? These simple, basic things are so often taken for granted when other people are quite literally praying for them. You are incredibly fortunate, probably more than you’ll ever know, and have the unique opportunity to choose how you spend your life.

For 3-5 minutes a day, I urge you to sit on your bed and stay quiet. Take a mental inventory of the many fortunes you’ve experienced throughout the day – from a meal at lunch to a safe and reliable way to get home. Look around you, right in your very own room, and take inventory of your belongings and ability to feel at ease in your own space. I’m betting that you’ll begin to appreciate your surroundings and start to feel happier.

4. Go Exploring… on a Trail or in Your Own Backyard

Nature has the remarkable ability to remind of us our smallness in the world and yet motivate us to see the beauty in nearly everything – including our own lives. Head out to the local trails for a relaxing walk or even just toss on those gardening shoes and head out to your own backyard. Allowing yourself to focus on nature and your surroundings will free up space in your mind for positive, happy thoughts. It’s pretty hard to focus on anything negative when there’s so much beauty and life surrounding you!

To kick it up a notch, slip in a comfy pair of ear buds or grab a portable speaker and listen to your favourite tunes. An upbeat, happy song will help make the most of the experience and have you feeling energized and ready to conquer just about anything in no time.

3. Tidy Your Space

Remember back when you were in high school or university and found it difficult to concentrate in a messy space? How we keep the spaces around us strongly impacts how we feel inside. A messy, cluttered room can leave you feeling anxious and down. A clean, tidy space can have the opposite effect. If you want to re-energize and start feeling upbeat, I recommend doing a little cleaning. Once the clutter’s cleared, you’ll start to feel happier and more accomplished almost instantly.

If your life’s simply too hectic to keep a clean house, consider hiring a cleaning service to come by even once every couple of weeks. The delight and surprise you’ll feel when you come home to a clean house at the end of the day can make all the difference sometimes! Just be sure to carefully review the cleaning rates ahead of time because a big bill will have those happy feelings flying away just as quickly as they arrived.

2. Sleep More

This one’s so simple. Just sleep more! Our bodies are under a ton of stress on a daily basis, both conscious and subconscious. Sometimes, we simply don’t get enough REM sleep and deep, restful Zs to help us fully recharge. When you start the day feeling sleepy and irritable, you can bet it’s not going to improve as the hours wear on. So, why not put in a little effort and try to catch a few more winks?

Hit the hay earlier during the week and allow yourself to hit “snooze” a couple of times come the weekend. The world will keep turning while you enjoy an extra thirty minutes of sleep and you’ll awake feeling more refreshed, and happier, because of it.

1. Talk it Out

Have you ever heard the expression, “Just let it all out?” Sometimes, people just need to vent. This is when it’s great to have someone in your life, like a friend or family member, who you can call up or meet with to talk it out. Was your week especially tough and you really feel as though you need to get a few things off of your chest? Do it! And, if you don’t feel as though you have anyone you can call up right this moment, consider leaving a comment on this post so I can hear your thoughts.

Friend, happiness is waiting for you. In fact, it’s really already here – it’s up to you to see it and allow yourself to feel it. If you have any other tips you’d like to share, please leave them in the comments section! I’d love to hear from you.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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How to Feel Happier, Think More Positively & Be a Better Person

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There’s a lot of talk these days about why it’s so important to have a positive attitude, how thinking positively can impact both your health and your life. Our environment and the company we keep heavily affect our moods, and therefore our ability to think more positively. Have you ever known someone you just always liked being around, someone that you would describe as having ‘good energy’? Feeling happy radiates a positive energy outwardly that in turn allows oneself to think more positively inwardly. This is why it is so helpful (if not absolutely necessary!) to become aware of what makes YOU feel happier.

Feeling happy is actual work and maintenance for a lot of us. I have always found this a bit ironic but I know that many of you can relate. Our mind just seems to somehow enjoy hanging out in the negative world until asked to leave.

For some of us, feeling happier might mean being outdoors in nature, it may mean being physically active, for others it may mean taking time to be alone or doing something creative. Good music is another great way to shift your mood and makes you feel happier almost instantly.

Think about that person again that you always enjoy being around. Wouldn’t you like to be that person in someone else’s life? Committing to being happier doesn’t mean that you have to be ‘Miss/Mr Chipper’, it may just mean that you’re someone that other people just like to be around.

Here are few things to consider:

What can you do today that will support you in feeling happier? Who can you spend time with that makes you laugh and feel good about yourself? And if being alone is what makes you feel happy, then where can you go to be alone and how will you spend your solo time?

Having spent some time focusing on activities that make you feel happy, start to notice your thoughts. What you’re likely to find is that it’s pretty hard to think negatively when you’re feeling joy and happiness. That’s the beauty of feeling happier - it positively impacts everything you do. When you’re feeling happy and all your thoughts are focused on positive outcomes, you become a better person by contributing to the well being of others with your good energy.

If you’ve ever gone into a government office that was full of lines of angry, impatient people waiting to be served, then you know what it feels like to have someone else’s energy affect you. In the same way that we can be negatively affected by someone’s anger or frustration, we can also feel like we’re being up-lifted by those that possess a positive attitude, and who are genuinely happy.

It’s our choice, what kind of person we decide to be each and every day. :)

I’d love to hear what happens when you try this so be sure to share your experience with me in the comments below.

4 Steps to Building Self-Esteem

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On a coaching call last night, a client of mine asked me, “I’ve become aware I have some serious self-esteem issues and I’m wondering if you can give me some tips around that”. He is someone that has had limited success with women and it’s not because women don’t find him attractive, it’s because he doesn’t believe he is attractive both physically and emotionally.

The main thing I want to point out here is we are talking about building self-esteem and building confidence and I am not talking about “how to wake up tomorrow with the highest self-esteem you’ve ever experienced”. As nice as that would be, you would no doubt wake up the following morning feeling lower than low.  Building confidence (not over-nighting confidence) requires you to lay out a personal growth plan, and as a life coach and relationship coach, here are my suggested steps on how to do so.

First:

Start looking at the big picture. In relative terms you are here on earth for a very, very short time and then….you are gone. That’s it. Do you want to look back on your life here on earth and think, “gosh, I’m so glad I wasn’t able to develop healthy self-esteem and I’m so glad I let that limit my opportunities in life.” No! You want to look back on your life and be grateful you found ways to shine a positive light on yourself and continuously develop your self-esteem on a daily basis so you could accomplish everything you came here to do. Always remember that life is a precious, precious gift and the fact that you beat out all the other sperm/egg combinations to be here is truly miraculous.

Second:

Decide on one thing a day you are going to do to build your self-esteem. Do not make a gigantic list. Just one simple thing. I caution you to put something down like ‘go to the gym everyday’ because we both know what’s going to happen on the day you don’t go, you are going to beat yourself up and hurt your self-esteem. It needs to be something very simple like looking yourself in the mirror and smiling instead of frowning at least once a day. Start simple.

Third:

Next, don’t avoid people. Learn how to talk to people. Now you may be thinking, “Um, Christine, I know how to talk to people.” My point here is that you need to talk to more people to gain practice in feeling good about yourself when around others. Often that is a trigger, we feel good about ourselves around our own home but as soon as we are at work, on the street, at an event, something happens to our self-esteem. So when I say, learn how to talk to people, I am referring to learn how to talk and interact with people and still feel good about yourself at the same time. This takes practice, just recognize the thoughts that come to mind and do your best to acknowledge them and then ignore them.

Fourth:

Don’t  judge yourself in the process. Sometimes my clients will try one day of building their self-esteem and if they don’t see drastic changes, they say it doesn’t work. Building self-esteem is a skill that you need to practice every single day. Building any skill requires practice and just like if you were a professional athlete, you would have good days and bad days but you are continuously practicing and moving forward. So please don’t be hard on yourself, celebrate your little wins, even if you managed to counter-act one negative thought, that is progress.

These 4 steps will get you well on your way to building self-esteem and building self-confidence. Be kind to yourself and have patience with the process.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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