Feminine

How to Find Balance in Your Relationship When You’re an Alpha Female

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Relationships are all about balance. However, that statement is one of those things that are a whole lot easier said than done when you’re an Alpha female. In a world in which a million little signs are sent every single day telling you to be powerful, confident and in control, it can be difficult to let up on the reins and allow your inner Beta to have her turn. And, my friend, I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with being a powerful, independent woman. What it means, however, is that striking balance in your romantic relationship can be a touch more challenging. As you probably know by now, that’s the topic we’ll be tackling in today’s post. Ready? Let’s go. 1. Honour His Masculine Energy

Alpha females are powerful forces. More often than not, these leading ladies wind up being “The Boss” in many areas of their lives. While this can lead to impressive accomplishments in a career, it can create challenging tensions at home. This is, quite simply, due to the two fundamental human energies – the masculine and feminine. Most men value and appreciate a confident, self-assured female partner. That said, it’s important that your male partner be given the space and permission to express his own masculine energy and Alpha qualities. What’s more important, still, is that you honour this energy and see it not as in competition with your own abilities to lead, but as an opportunity to loosen your hold on the reigns and allow your inner Beta to enjoy a little time away from the wheel.

When your partner does take his turn steering the ship, I urge you to avoid becoming a back seat driver. Steering clear of criticism, especially amongst his friends and family, is very important. There is nothing more discouraging than being encouraged to try something new or make a decision, only to then feel ridiculed or second-guessed along the way.

2. Know there is Power in The Feminine

Did you know that feminine energy is boundlessly powerful? You have the ability to make someone feel entirely at ease, accepted and loved with only your body language. You have the distinct ability to be alluring, persuasive, inviting and communicative without saying a single word. I encourage you to avoid viewing femininity as expressing weakness. Because, frankly, females are anything but.

Instead, I ask you to view your natural feminine energy and instinct for what it is – incredible, powerful and positive. You have the fundamental ability to support, nurture and honour your partner.  Your partner has the fundamental instinct to care for you, protect you and provide you comfort. If you’re having a tough day, consider leaving your “business suit” at the door and allowing yourself to be vulnerable with your partner. Let him into your struggle and allow him to help make things better.

3. Nurture His Journey to Learn and Grow

As an Alpha, it may be easy to assume that you can do something better, faster or more efficiently than someone else. When it comes to your relationship with your partner, this can enter dangerous territory. While perhaps you truly are better suited to tackle a particular task, it’s important that your partner feel he has the space and permission to step up and try his hand at something new.

I urge you to keep things in perspective and understand the difference between letting your partner paint a room and encouraging your partner to rebuild your car’s transmission with zero mechanical experience. Aside from a few splatters of paint that may need to be cleaned up later, there’s really no risk in letting your man take the lead and get his DIY on. Sure, you may actually be a better painter, but does it really matter in the big picture? No. Show your support as he learns new things instead of limiting his potential by insisting you do it yourself. 

4. Be Aware of Your Ability to Impact

You are the most important person to your partner, with the most power to impact his thoughts, opinions and feelings. Chances are that he is the exact same to you. The difference is that, with an Alpha, outside influence doesn’t always reach as deep. You must remember to stay aware and conscious of your unique, and near endless, impact on your partner.

Things that may seem simple or like “no big deal” to you, such as dragging him along on a night out with a group of your friends, or making him stay at a party when he’s clearly not enjoying himself or feels tired, can have a big effect on your relationship. Respecting his interests, reading his cues and remembering that winning isn’t everything will go a long way.

5. Embrace the Spectrum

Something I read recently really stuck out to me. The author spoke of how masculine and feminine energies, as well as Alpha and Beta personalities, exist on a spectrum. While someone may exhibit more Alpha qualities than Beta, it doesn’t mean that this balance can’t or won’t shift over time. What’s more is that neither partner is truly 100% Alpha or Beta. If they were, the relationship simply wouldn’t work. If both were Alpha, nearly every interaction would be catatonic. If both were Beta, nothing would ever get done. It’s important that both partners embrace the spectrum and have the ability to amplify the two energies – masculine and feminine – that make them who they are. Welcoming this fluidity and ongoing balance is crucial to the success of your relationship!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

The 4 Biggest Turn-Offs for Men & How to Avoid Them

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If I were to ask you about your biggest turn-offs in a man, I bet you could quickly tell me the top three or even five. That’s because, by nature, both men and women are judgmental creatures. It’s easy for us to identify whether or not we’re attracted to someone within seconds, and also easy for us to recognize characteristics in others that we do and don’t like. But, what about when we reverse the roles? It’s not always as easy to recognize positive (and certainly negative) characteristics in ourselves. But, in a world we filled with right swipes and first impressions that take only moments to form, it’s more important than ever before to be mindful of our attitudes and behaviours – I mean, in all honesty, we are judging others so we can't expect not to be judged ourselves! (I know, it's the unfortunate reality. :)) So, friends, let’s take this opportunity to do exactly that. In this post, I want to talk to you about the four biggest turn-offs for men and how you can work to avoid them....if you choose.

Jealousy

Jealousy is a key cause of arguments, dissatisfaction and discomfort in relationships, so it only makes sense that the little green monster would be a top turn off when it comes to dating. When you’re out on a date and your guy catches you giving the stink eye to another woman passing by, or pressing him on his relationship with a female friend or even past relationship, it throws up a red flag. Men seek confidence and self-assuredness in a partner, while jealousy showcases the opposite.

If insecure feelings start to set in, take pause and remind yourself that you are a total catch. You have so many amazing, positive and attention-worthy attributes so let yourself shine by not comparing yourself to others.

Nagging

Believe it or not, nagging isn’t something that happens with “old married couples.” Seemingly small comments can pick away at anyone, particularly a man trying to win your heart. Reminding him of a tendency to forget things or making a slight about his style, choice of food, condition of his car or anything else can quickly diminish your star qualities. Nobody wants to feel “less than” or as though they’re not capable.

If and when you’re tempted to nag, ask yourself if it’s truly that important. There’s a difference between forgetting to signal when changing lanes and wanting to enjoy some fries with dinner instead of his usual salad. The first is a safety concern and may in fact be valid. The second is an adult choice he is making. Can you imagine if he told you to get the salad?! Reflect on that for a moment, haha, so don't do it to him. My advice to you would be to voice valid, meaningful concerns and to learn to shake off the rest.

Self-Centeredness

We all want to feel important, interesting and share our opinions, stories and dreams. But, in dating just as in relationships, it’s important to both talk and listen. According to men, a striking imbalance in this department is a major turn-off. Coming across as overly self-centered on a date sets the tone for the future relationship and can say, “It’s all about me” even if you don’t realize it. Practice self-love and showing appreciation for who you are and what you do is never a bad thing, but remember to keep things balanced and allow your guy his time to shine.

Next time you’re on a date, why not use the opportunity to practice your active listening skills? Ask plenty of open-ended questions, show genuine interest in your partner’s responses and you’ll be amazed at how the conversation seems to flow. Sometimes it is just our nerves that have us be self-centered, and not a reflection of who we actually are. Be aware of this.

Negativity

Over-the-top enthusiasm can be tiring, but nothing leaves a bad taste quite like negativity. As human beings, we all have our negative moments. It’s only natural and, in moderation, it’s totally fine. However, if you spend all your time together talking about how awful your day was, how much your sister annoys you, how much you hate online dating, how disappointing the restaurant is or (worse) projecting negativity onto your date, the spark is bound to fade. And, friend, I get it, we live in stressful times and sometimes we need to vent. I would encourage you, however, to find another outlet and avoid using your date as an opportunity to get a tough day off of your chest.

Consider downloading a self-guided meditation app or carving out a half hour to listen to music and read a book at the end of your day. Maybe there is a friend you can call to vent about your day before you go on your date? Use the time before a date to decompress, get in the right mindset and shed any negative feelings and thoughts that might have built up in the hours before. Set the intention to enter into the evening with a positive attitude and to enjoy yourself. Then, let it happen!

Like what you are reading and want to know more about working one on one with me? Contact me for a free 20-minute coaching call.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

Why Gender Intelligence Needs to Replace Gender Stereotypes… Now

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If I asked you to think of a common stereotype about females, I’m sure you could think of something in less than 10 seconds. The same can easily be said about stereotypes surrounding males. From a young age, harmful and relationship-impacting gender stereotypes are engrained into our minds and daily lives. Now, I do want to say that I see value in understanding the sexes separately. But more than that, I see incredible value (and so should you!) in understanding how they work together. This sort of genuine understanding of gender strengths and challenges is called Gender Intelligence… and dear friends; this is something the world needs so much more of. Whether it’s in the workplace, within a family dynamic or within a relationship – gender intelligence can help you better empathize, understand and grow. In this post I want to share with you three examples of why gender intelligence needs to replace gender stereotypes, as well as how it’s possible. Please, friends, read on!

 

 

Gender Stereotype #1: Females Live Their Lives Believing the Men Around Them Simply Don’t Listen

 

 

Romantic comedies and stories between friends alike constantly perpetuate this gender stereotype. Men are just “grown children” or “are incapable of listening”, right? Wrong. The truth is that how men listen differs from how women listen, and that in actuality they listen just as often but in that different way.

 

While women explore feelings and soak in the conversation in its entirety, men tend to listen to what they consider the most important points with the aim to develop their opinion. Men also tend to listen and speak more literally, whereas women tend to infer and speak more hypothetically, rhetorically and metaphorically.

 

 

Gender Stereotype #2: Men are Too Confident and Women Lack Self-Confidence

 

 

Think of the last time you expressed your opinion. Did you preface your statement by saying, “I am pretty sure” and did you possibly end it with, “But I’m not certain” or a similar statement? If you’re female, the likelihood is higher. This is because females tend to want to remain non-confrontational, even subconsciously, to foster a feeling of togetherness and safety. We don't set out to do this, but it's in our DNA to "keep the peace" when we are in our feminine. This is a good time to mention that women spend varying amounts of time in their masculine side vs. their feminine side. When men hear these types of statements, they can assume that the female lacks confidence or is not self-assured because if a man were to say those words, that's what they would think.

 

The reality is men tend to speak in more unilateral, literal and concise terms and females tend to maintain a group mentality. Both methods of communication are equally valuable. It’s important, however, to understand why females and males communicate differently in order to avoid confusion, hurt feelings and to really hear the conversation for what it is rather than how it’s being said.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
Click Here to Get Your FREE DATE COACH STARTER KIT!

My Experience as a Couple's Therapist

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In my little beehive creating connection

I promised to share some details about being a Couple’s Therapist at the festival in Portugal so here goes!

But first, did you complete your coaching exercise from last week? Just checking. :)

It took me a bit to locate where I was to meet the organizer in this mini-city but once I finally did, we were both very excited to have the Skype talks now be in real life! Each day in the area called “Liminal Village” had a different theme and I was going to be a part of the day they had themed:

Love, Pleasure and the Feminine

(when she told me this, I think my heart did an actual leap of joy as these are some of my favorite topics)

When the day came, I was standing at the back of the room during one of the first lectures when all of a sudden I was introduced to all 1000 people at once as “The Couple’s Therapist from Canada”. I waved and welcomed people to come and sign up for a private session. We had no idea if anyone actually would but to my delight, I booked all my available spots within about an hour. Felt awesome! The couples were mainly from Portugal, France or Germany, with a few from Canada and the US. One actually works very near my home in Toronto! They were mainly in their 20’s and 30’s and so open and curious about receiving guidance.

The adobe structure they had me working in felt a bit like a clay beehive. It was such a perfect place to work and I would lay out a sarong for all 3 of us. The conversations mainly started with asking the men what they wanted more of in the relationship.

This often took them by surprise but once they nestled in, they would often share things for the very first time and I could sense their partner’s eyes widening at times. Then it was the woman’s chance to speak about what she wanted more of and from there, I would weave back and forth teaching each of them more about each other. Often doing a bit of translation such as, “she is saying she needs a hug from you in the mornings and what she is asking for is connection” or “he has become resentful about fixing your computer all the time and what he is asking for is appreciation”.

And of course, at the end of each session,, I would have them give each other a big hug and a smooch to seal their commitment to improving their relationship. They often left glowing which was wonderful to see. In every moment, I knew I was exactly where I was supposed to be, helping the couples that needed me. It was very healing for myself too and I thought of David often. I really feel like he was giving me strength and guidance through it all.

COACHING EXERCISE FOR YOU

Identify where in your life you are blaming someone else for your unhappiness and allow yourself to see how much more power you would have if you took 100 percent responsibility. This doesn’t make the other person’s actions correct but what could open up if you really saw that you create your own happiness regardless of their actions? What actions can you take to reclaim your happiness?

I’d love to hear your thoughts so be sure to leave a comment below. :)

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine