How to Break Through Other People's Negativity


Like many of you, I consider myself to be a pretty intuitive person who can quickly pick up the "vibe" of someone and know where they are at. After all, I’ve made it my life’s work to help others achieve fulfillment and happiness, find authenticity in all pursuits and build rewarding relationships. I truly feel for my clients, empathize with wherever they may be in their lives and look to empower them to evolve. If you, yourself pick up on the energy of other people, you may know by now that we tend to be extra susceptible to a little something called “transfer negativity.” The term “transfer negativity” is something I’ve began calling the down, blue or generally crummy feeling that pops up after spending time with any person, or in any environment, that is highly critical or negative. While, over the years, I’ve learned techniques and practices to maintain my, what some may call empathic abilities while also maintaining a positive mind and spirit, it truly is something that comes with practice. Otherwise, you may feel your positivity overshadowed by negativity created and transferred by outside environments.

You may have heard others referring to themselves as "empaths" and this is just a fancy term for "easily pick up on the energies of others".

Whether this all brings to mind a hostile work environment, toxic friendship or the memories of a failed relationship, I promise that there are steps you can take to combat transfer negativity and get back to positive, uplifting thoughts.

1. If You Can Remove Yourself From the Environment, Do So

We’ve all experienced, or at least heard of, a job that just wasn’t the right fit. Maybe nobody ever replied to your sunny, “Good morning!” Perhaps you simply never clicked with your coworkers or were left hungering for greater fulfillment and meaning. The reality, while unfortunate, is that not every job is suited to every person – and sometimes, you’ll be happiest and healthiest to recognize a bad fit and pursue something greater. I know for myself, I have had to get better at recognizing where a positive attitude is not considered an asset and just move on.

Leaving a job, especially a long-term, secure job, can be a scary thought. Many people are creatures of habit and the idea of willfully walking away from security, stability and a scheduled paycheck takes guts. But, as I’m confident you’ll find out, it’s also worthwhile because for your next opportunity, you will be much more in tune with the importance of positivity in the workplace. If you’ll feel more comfortable job hunting prior to giving your notice, then cash in a few vacation days and hit the pavement with your resume in hand. You can do it. You deserve the job of your dreams.

2. Know That Your Friendship History Doesn’t Obligate A Future

Have you ever been hurt or disappointed by a friend, only to convince yourself that you need to make up because you’ve, “been friends forever?” While all relationships, romantic and otherwise, do have their ups and downs – it’s so important to take pause to reflect and ensure you really do experience more ups than downs. If a friendship isn’t mutually rewarding or leaves you feeling anything other than happiness, it may be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

Who you were when you first became friends may be very different from who you are – who you both are – today. Time changes people, needs and desires. While you and your friend may have fulfilled each other back in the day, your individual goals and lifestyles may no longer be the same. Your mind, soul and future friendships will thank you for recognizing a toxic friendship and taking steps to recalibrate.

3. Recognize Your Power to Choose Positivity

While your environment and those around you can be two major drivers of negative thinking, it’s important to acknowledge and accept the power that you, yourself, have to block negativity out and practice positive thinking. Some find that reciting daily, positive affirmations helps to set the tone of the day and offers the opportunity for positive reinforcement throughout the day. Others regularly practice using positive language and uplifting words – not only when thinking to themselves, but also when in conversations with others.

A happy mindset and positive outlook are conscious choices that you are fully capable of making. When negativity starts to creep in, or when you feel drained at the end of listening to a negative rant or spending time in a gloomy situation, get yourself to a calming space and hit your internal “reset” button. Take some deep breaths and get yourself centered again.

4. Surround Yourself With Other Positive People

What do you do when you’ve removed yourself from a negative environment, stepped away from negative people and reset your outlook? You begin to actively seek out amazing environments and positive people. You’ll unknowingly begin to attract spectacular experiences and relationships into your life. Like attracts like, after all!

As you spend more time in better environments and with people who truly feed your soul, your protective negativity barrier will strengthen. You’ll most likely even end up inspiring and motivating others to live more positively – whether you realize it or not.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?

The Problems Affecting Modern Relationships... And How to Fix Them


I recently read an article written by the incredibly enlightened Esther Perel. In it she spoke of the problems with modern dating and modern relationships, specifically where excess access and choice are concerned. It really struck a chord for me, because it’s one of the recurring issues that I regularly encounter when working with clients. The good news, my friend, is that there are solutions. It’s just a matter of acknowledgement, acceptance and commitment. 1. The Pool’s Gotten Bigger… So Remember Why You’ve Chosen Your Partner

If you think back to when your parents or grandparents began dating, it’s likely that they had a far smaller social circle or “pool” of people from which to choose. Many years later, in burst the Internet in all of its connective glory. The Internet, and the mobile app, allow us to instantly connect with tons of people in our own city, within driving distance and from all over the world. Apps like Tinder, and sites like Match, allow you to instantly browse through thousands of profiles with the touch of a button.

Don’t get me wrong. I think having options is the only way to truly discover what it is you want and what it is that you don’t want. However, this constant access to unlimited options can really have an affect on the development of a new relationship.  Partners sometimes find themselves second-guessing their situation based on the tiniest flaws, daydreaming up “what if” scenarios and even find themselves tempted to “just have a look” elsewhere.  So, how do you stop it? Here are two suggestions:

Let's say you met someone online and you've mutually decided to be exclusive. Actually have a conversation around, "Are we taking our profiles down?" And, if you like, actually take them down together and then take yourselves out on a celebratory date. This communicates that you've both decided to be all in on developing the potential of this relationship.

Sometimes a year or even 10 years into a relationship, you can forget why you chose this person. Completely normal and common! If this happens I encourage you to sit down and even write out all the things you enjoy (or even love) about the person that you’re with. Place your focus there, really feel it within you rather than letting your thoughts constantly focus on the things that aren't currently working.

2. Empathy Has Become a Rarity… So Regularly Practice Compassion

In today’s society, as well as in relationships, empathy has become a more rare trait than ever before. Our fast paced culture of “always on” and personal satisfaction has left less room for compassion, understanding and even accountability. This fundamental change in human character and behaviour greatly impacts how couples interact with each other.

You can imagine how this decrease in compassion has resulted in an increase in selfishness. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with looking out for yourself and ensuring that you live the life you truly want and deserve. There is, however, a problem when your doing so comes at the expense of someone else. It’s so important that, in a partnership, you regularly exercise compassion and empathy. Moreover, that you help and support one another in your collective efforts to live a fulfilling, satisfying and mutually rewarding life.

To improve your empathetic abilities, I encourage you to ask yourself, “What can I do to better support my partner?”. If you are both asking yourself this, you are feeding the relationship what it needs. It works better than each of you asking yourself, "What can my partner do for me?" which has more of a "taking" mentality to it. Often times, you’ll find that even the smallest of things, like offering to pick up the kids when your partner is having an especially stressful or demanding day or making their favorite homemade treat, can truly make all the difference and if you are each doing things for each other, you get this real sense of having each other's back.

3. We Spend More Time Away from Home Than Ever Before… So Don’t Forget to Stay Connected

While work-life balance continues to be one of the most talked about subjects, and many companies tout optimal balance as one of the benefits of working for them, the reality is that people are working more hours per week than ever before. Whether it’s longer commutes into the office, longer hours or more time spent answering emails and taking phone calls from home – North American society is filled with workaholics.

The more time spent away from home most commonly means more time spent away from your partner. While you may not be able to completely change your work schedule, there are things you can do to help keep your relationship strong. At some point during the day, take a moment to check in with your partner. Whether it’s by phone, text or email, send your partner a quick message to let them know that they’re on your mind and that you’re thinking of them. I promise you that this small effort will have huge impact.

When you are both home in the evenings and on the weekend, use that time wisely and do your best to not only physically be together but mentally too. If you read between the lines here, sitting on the couch next to each other scrolling through social media feeds isn't what I classify as connecting and being together! :) While it’s completely fine (and very healthy) to fill up your calendar with book clubs, exercise classes and plans with friends, quality connection time with your partner keeps the relationship healthy. And isn't that what drove you to open yourself up to being in a relationship in the beginning? Honor that.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?