Ask the Expert: Date Juggler



Part of my problem is juggling all the wonderful and eligible men that want to date me. Often they are friends with each other, or travel in the same social circles, and end up getting offended that I'm trying to keep my options open to see which could be the best mate for me.

I understand that in this day and age of dating much of it is casual yet they seem to get angry and offended if they know that a woman is dating someone else. Why is it that they seem to want an instant commitment from me yet are not willing to give it themselves? Any advice you can offer on this social phenomenon will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much.

Answer: Dear Date Juggler,

Let's take a moment to feel sorry for your situation. No...wait..., that didn't work. :)

The best way to look at this is to get primal. Men, by nature, are territorial. The problem is that the reality of you dating multiple people is right in their faces. It has more to do with the fact they run in the same circles than the fact you are dating multiple people. You are also telling them "I am keeping my options open" and this is actually a big insult. This may be what you are honestly trying to convey but what they hear is "you're not good enough for me". If you were with someone you were really interested in, the thought of keeping your options open wouldn't cross your mind and that's the truth.

Take this knowledge with you once you are in a long term relationship with a man, ie: the last thing they want to talk about is your ex-boyfriends, much like when you are dating when the last thing they want to talk or hear about was the other men you may be going out with. In relationships, men need to (at least a little bit) feel like you were a virgin before you met each other - which gets back to the primal/territorial thing. We all do this really.

Be careful how you frame and convey the fact you are dating multiple people. It does not have to come up in the first date, or even the second. Trust that you will "just know" when to commit to one and if it is meant to be, he will feel the same way. Yes there are some men that live the double standard, wanting committment but not giving it themselves, but do know there are even more men who understand and want mutual committment.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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