I received a random call this morning from a woman in a panic. Me: “Hi, it’s Christine” Her: “Yes, I need to sign up for that singles event you are having on April 26th – can I get a ticket from you right now?” Me: “Sorry, I’m not sure what singles event you’re talking about, can you give me a bit more detail and maybe I can help?” Her: “I don’t know, it was an event that was sent around and your name and number was on it”
So I’m thinking to myself that perhaps a mistake has been made in a promo email (I don’t host singles events) but as I continued to ask a few more questions so I could re-direct her, I could sense a level of what felt like panic coming from her. It reminded me of a talk I went to a number of years ago put on by the JM Kearns, who is the author of “Why Mr. Right Can’t Find You”. He was telling the audience that his office was flooded with calls after his event had sold out with women saying things like, “you don’t understand, I haaaaave to be there!”. There were several times where his staff reported feeling totally harassed. Yikes.
You see, sometimes women see an opportunity to meet a man, whether it be at a talk, a speed dating event, a large-scale singles event or even a friend’s house and they immediately frame it as “the very last chance I will ever have in my entire life to meet a man and if I don’t go, I will be single forever”.
Sound familiar? It could be something you’ve thought to yourself or you may have immediately thought of someone in your life who has been known to think this way.
When a woman gets in this headspace, it can almost be scary. She is not only hunting, she is hunting with an idea there is scarcity. She believes there is a very limited amount of men out there so she needs to narrow in and catch him quickly. I’ve even heard this mentality is often found in senior’s homes too where women are almost competing for men’s attention because they believe there are no opportunities to meet men outside of the home’s dining area.
So do you want to know the best dating advice you will ever receive?
Stop panicking. Stop hunting. Stop competing with other women. Stop living life in fear. Stop believing in scarcity. And just…..breathe.
As the phone conversation continued with the woman this morning, she became more insistent on me telling her how she was going to get tickets. Without having the promo in front of either of us, I started to suggest some people in the industry she could call but in her eyes, that was not going to get her her man so, in a flux, she quickly got off the phone. I do hope she found some tickets but the unfortunate thing is I can absolutely guarantee she will bring that same energy to the event and she won’t be successful in meeting her match
I didn’t get a chance to share with her what I am sharing with you. My advice comes from countless focus groups I have held with men since 2002 and they have all told me the same thing: “these hunting women are SCARY!”
So when I pose the question of what would be the best dating advice for women from men? Men say, “just relax, be yourself, enjoy the conversation and don’t try to lead it anywhere. Soften up and stop hunting”
As I mentioned, if you are aware of this leaning coming up in yourself or someone you know, just take a deep breath in and breathe out slowly. If you want to gain success at dating, catch yourself in the moment, remind yourself there is no such thing as scarcity and refuse to believe in a fear-based reality. Then breathe again and breathe out slowly. There is an abundance of good people out there for you to meet, there always have been and there always will be. Believe this, it’s the best dating advice you’ll ever receive.
To your authenticity,