honest

Ask the Expert: Does Everyone Have Trust Issues?

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Question:Okay, out of the 4 men I’ve just started talking to online (in the past 2 days), 2 of them dealt with trust issues in their last relationship. One guy’s wife cheated on him after 12 years of marriage. Another guy was in a 3 year relationship that ended because of trust and insecurity issues (don’t have the whole story).

Is this normal? Or do I have trust issues I need to work out / help others work out? From the last guy, Roger, I’ve learned I’ve got to trust my Self. Isn’t that enough?

Answer: Yes, in my experience, many people have trust issues. Totally normal. The problem we face is that we try to take it on as a problem in their history WE need to fix FOR THEM. Too quickly, we become a reluctant therapist when the goal in dating is just to start getting to know each other. Trust issues can definitely find a level of healing within a relationship but really, the issues need to be addressed outside of the relationship. The issues developed outside of this current potential relationship so need to be worked on outside. If you take it on yourself, you can end up tip toeing around, afraid to even look at another man without triggering a fight. Within reason, I would have an open discussion about what triggers him and within that discussion, talk about what triggers you. This is a fair and open way to discuss respectful behavior.

Not all men have trust issues. There are plenty of men who have committed to working through their stuff before trying to get into another relationship. And there are also plenty of men who are working on their stuff outside of the relationship with a coach or therapist so that it has little effect on the current relationship. They know it’s about them, not you, and they take this on.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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