If I were to ask you about your biggest turn-offs in a man, I bet you could quickly tell me the top three or even five. That’s because, by nature, both men and women are judgmental creatures. It’s easy for us to identify whether or not we’re attracted to someone within seconds, and also easy for us to recognize characteristics in others that we do and don’t like. But, what about when we reverse the roles? It’s not always as easy to recognize positive (and certainly negative) characteristics in ourselves. But, in a world we filled with right swipes and first impressions that take only moments to form, it’s more important than ever before to be mindful of our attitudes and behaviours – I mean, in all honesty, we are judging others so we can't expect not to be judged ourselves! (I know, it's the unfortunate reality. :)) So, friends, let’s take this opportunity to do exactly that. In this post, I want to talk to you about the four biggest turn-offs for men and how you can work to avoid them....if you choose.
Jealousy is a key cause of arguments, dissatisfaction and discomfort in relationships, so it only makes sense that the little green monster would be a top turn off when it comes to dating. When you’re out on a date and your guy catches you giving the stink eye to another woman passing by, or pressing him on his relationship with a female friend or even past relationship, it throws up a red flag. Men seek confidence and self-assuredness in a partner, while jealousy showcases the opposite.
If insecure feelings start to set in, take pause and remind yourself that you are a total catch. You have so many amazing, positive and attention-worthy attributes so let yourself shine by not comparing yourself to others.
Believe it or not, nagging isn’t something that happens with “old married couples.” Seemingly small comments can pick away at anyone, particularly a man trying to win your heart. Reminding him of a tendency to forget things or making a slight about his style, choice of food, condition of his car or anything else can quickly diminish your star qualities. Nobody wants to feel “less than” or as though they’re not capable.
If and when you’re tempted to nag, ask yourself if it’s truly that important. There’s a difference between forgetting to signal when changing lanes and wanting to enjoy some fries with dinner instead of his usual salad. The first is a safety concern and may in fact be valid. The second is an adult choice he is making. Can you imagine if he told you to get the salad?! Reflect on that for a moment, haha, so don't do it to him. My advice to you would be to voice valid, meaningful concerns and to learn to shake off the rest.
We all want to feel important, interesting and share our opinions, stories and dreams. But, in dating just as in relationships, it’s important to both talk and listen. According to men, a striking imbalance in this department is a major turn-off. Coming across as overly self-centered on a date sets the tone for the future relationship and can say, “It’s all about me” even if you don’t realize it. Practice self-love and showing appreciation for who you are and what you do is never a bad thing, but remember to keep things balanced and allow your guy his time to shine.
Next time you’re on a date, why not use the opportunity to practice your active listening skills? Ask plenty of open-ended questions, show genuine interest in your partner’s responses and you’ll be amazed at how the conversation seems to flow. Sometimes it is just our nerves that have us be self-centered, and not a reflection of who we actually are. Be aware of this.
Negativity
Over-the-top enthusiasm can be tiring, but nothing leaves a bad taste quite like negativity. As human beings, we all have our negative moments. It’s only natural and, in moderation, it’s totally fine. However, if you spend all your time together talking about how awful your day was, how much your sister annoys you, how much you hate online dating, how disappointing the restaurant is or (worse) projecting negativity onto your date, the spark is bound to fade. And, friend, I get it, we live in stressful times and sometimes we need to vent. I would encourage you, however, to find another outlet and avoid using your date as an opportunity to get a tough day off of your chest.
Consider downloading a self-guided meditation app or carving out a half hour to listen to music and read a book at the end of your day. Maybe there is a friend you can call to vent about your day before you go on your date? Use the time before a date to decompress, get in the right mindset and shed any negative feelings and thoughts that might have built up in the hours before. Set the intention to enter into the evening with a positive attitude and to enjoy yourself. Then, let it happen!
Like what you are reading and want to know more about working one on one with me? Contact me for a free 20-minute coaching call.
To your authenticity,
Love, Christine