Why Some Men Step Up Their Game to Find Love, and Others Do Not


We’ve all seen a romantic comedy in which the male lead had to take drastic measures to win the attention and affection of his female counterpart. And, while some examples are far more extreme than others, like pretending to be far more well off than you actually are or faking an exotic accent when you’re really just from down the street, there is some truth to the idea of some men needing to “step up” their game to gain the attention, and date, some women. When it comes to men seeking out relationships, men often look for relationships (and women) that match where they are in their life right now. Women, on the other hand, often look for relationships that will bring them to where they want to be – whether it be tomorrow, the next day or the year after that. Men tend to be more rooted in the present, whereas women tend to be more rooted in the future. Now of course, this is a generalization and doesn't apply to all, but does to most.

Men are very clear on what and who they are, where they’re at and what they are capable of or interested in taking on at this point in their lives. For better or worse, they are more closely tied to reality when it comes to their physical and emotional capabilities. They know that in order to date a woman who will enable his development and realization of his full potential he’ll need to step up his game. 

All men make a choice.

Some men take on the challenge of stepping up in full force because, deep in their heart, they know they are ready to take their love life – and life in general – to the next level. They clean up the proverbial cobwebs in their life, step it up and pursue a woman who will challenge him to be the best version of himself on a continual basis. He thrives in this environment and so does she. They fully and completely accept each other where they are at and also want to encourage each other to be all they can be.

Other men know they are truly not ready for this next level of love or life and, therefore, continue in their current pattern and choose to date women and begin (or not begin) relationships that will not challenge him to evolve – at least not right now. The thought of dating a woman who is on an accelerated personal growth path just fills him with anxiety and insecurity so he opts out. He knows he needs to be with a woman who is not very interested in personal growth so that he can firmly stay in his comfort zone.

And you know what? Both paths are entirely acceptable and normal, because in either case the man knows what he is and isn’t ready for and isn’t pushing himself to experience something he cannot currently handle and process. Entering into a relationship that one is truly not ready for on a mental or emotional level can either spur someone on to evolve and become ready – or it can be dangerous and thrust that person into a situation and level of intensity they are not equipped to handle at this point in life. Each man, upon self-reflection, will know exactly what he is ready for.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?

How to Persevere When Your Plan Doesn’t Unfold Perfectly


  I speak a lot on my blog, in my newsletter and with my clients about the importance of leaving some wiggle room in any plan. Having a game plan is important and helps keep you on track and pushing in the right direction, but it’s inevitable that something somewhere along the line isn’t going to unfold as perfectly as you’d like. And that’s OK. Heck, sometimes that’s when you really strike gold and find an even better path to fulfillment and happiness than you could ever have dreamt of.

With all that being said, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that speed bumps and U-turns on your road to living an authentic, fulfilling life aren’t discouraging. Sometimes the bump’s not so major and it’s easy enough to keep jugging along. Other times it’s a much larger wrench that gets thrown into things and it can feel as though you’re never going to achieve what you’re trying to, or you may even sit and wonder if you’ve made a huge mistake trying in the first place.

Friend, I want you to know that taking steps (even backwards steps) on the path to living the life you are called to live is major progress. It’s more than a lot of people on this planet wind up doing in their entire lives, so take a moment to celebrate your very intention to take the journey.

The universe is never going to stop throwing you curve balls. It’s also never going to stop presenting you with prime opportunities to leap forward and experience an abundance of happiness – it’s all about being ready for when it happens and not pumping the brakes on your momentum. To help you persevere when times get tough and stay motivated, I really want you to take note of the following three tips and do your best to put them into action.

1. Have an Attitude of Expectancy, But Don’t Allow Pessimistic Thoughts

Acknowledging that life’s filled with opportunities and obstacles is one thing. Assuming that no matter how hard you try, you’re never going to get anywhere is another. Move forward in life and in your goals with an “attitude of expectancy.” Expect obstacles, but focus on how these speed bumps will push you to seek creative solutions and be even better. Expect greatness of yourself, even if that greatness is getting your butt to the gym once a week or doing a little DIY juicing.

If you can visualize overcoming a problem and achieving your goals, you can make it happen.

2. Be Authentically Positive

I urge you to seek out the positive in situations and do so authentically which in my books, means dropping what feels fake positive and moving toward what feels genuinely positive. When you build a new relationship, encounter a new experience or find yourself dealing with a dilemma – truly look for the positive elements. When you put this into practice on a regular basis, you’ll find yourself feeling happier and forming stronger bonds with others, developing a greater self-appreciation and will be able to more easily envision your future achievements and have confidence in your goals.

3. Know When to Ask For Help

Knowing when to leverage the skills and expertise of others is a sign of exceptionally great leadership and entrepreneurship. If you’ve hit a roadblock and feel as though you can’t trek forward alone – don’t! Reach out to a fellow college alumni, dial up your mentor (or find a mentor!) or even bounce some ideas off a friend. Humans aren’t programmed to be entirely independent all of the time. We need discussion, collaboration and interaction. In fact, we greatly benefit from interacting with our peers.

I’m going to end this post with a quote I like and feel is especially relevant to this post. It goes, “The greater the obstacle, the more glory in overcoming it.” As you begin a new day, chapter or venture, I encourage you to keep this in mind. Recite it, write it down or just let it run through your mind every once in a while. Every step is worth celebrating and every speed bump should remind you that you’re moving.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?