What should I do when she is moody?

What should I do when she is moody? Men and women both get “moody”. In fact there are studies that show men have “their time of the month too” which I’ll get into in a future Blog. Men have asked me recently how to effectively handle a woman’s bad mood. My advice is aimed at helping you understand and effectively be there for women who are occasionally moody.

A guy needs to remember not to unintentionally reward her for being in a bad mood. If you tip-toe around her, cow-tow to her every demand and are super, extra, extra nice, you risk getting caught in the cross-fire and BECOMING the problem. I’m not encouraging you to avoid being kind and understanding, just don’t go over the top. Authors, Louis & Copeland suggest these excellent keys for handling a woman’s bad mood:

1) Acknowledge it: “Had a bad day?”, “Not feeling so good today?”, “Having a rough time?” 2) Show a little compassion for her mood. The key here is to never try to solver her problem. Just listen to her and show a little compassion. You might say: “Sounds rough. I know how bad a bad mood can be.” “Wow, I’m sorry you are having a hard time” 3) Stay upbeat. This is critical. You must go on with your life, little affected by her bad mood. You shouldn’t do this in a sarcastic or overly enthusiastic manner: just make it clear her mood is not going to change yours. 4) Step aside as soon as possible. If she’s really down, she’ll either want to sort it out with your help or sort it out alone. If she wants your help, DON’T immediately offer solutions, just ask her clarifying questions so she can get clear on what she’s upset about. Examples are: "Sounds pretty intense. Tell me more if you want to." or "Is there anything that I can say or do that would help?"

By following these steps to the letter, you will greatly minimize any frustration felt by either of you.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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3 Basic Steps in Approaching Women

We build up this inner dialogue on how we are not good at approaching women. The truth is, it is a learned skill that requires time.

Below are your Basic 3 Steps. Follow them and you will start to conquer your fear of approaching women.

#1 Passing Eye Contact

The first thing you need to get under control is comfort when approaching women. You need to get yourself to the point where you can walk up to a woman and start talking to her without turning into an emotional wreck.

If you're freaked out on the inside, it's going to be pretty hard for you to act "normal" on the outside. It's going to be even harder to try new things and use techniques if you aren’t able to relax a little.

Start to face your fear of approaching by just simply smiling at women. Not a big teeth smile but more of a smile with your eyes and subtly with your mouth. It’s like a smile that exudes an appreciation for her beauty and nothing more. You can do this as you walk by on the street. It’s refreshing for a woman. You will eventually get yourself to a spot where you will smile AND say “Hi” …but one thing at a time.

#2 Passing Eye Contact & “Hi” combo

Next, try to keep eye contact with a woman while you are smiling and then say “Hi”.

Again, you can do this as you walk by and you are going to commit to doing this A LOT until you beat your fear of women being unapproachable. A couple extra seconds of eye contact when saying “Hi” will do.

#3 Say something

Now try the next level. Go someplace like a coffee shop, grocery store or bookstore. At a coffee shop for example, most people need to visit the cream and sugar table. This is where you can have eye contact, then say “Hi”, then take a deep breath and make a comment or ask a question.

Keep it simple, comment about the environment or how much you love your morning coffee. You can do it! Don’t worry about starting a lengthy conversation; you are just wanting to progress from “Hi” and involve a few more words.

If she is responsive, ask her if she lives in the area or if she's visiting. Ask her what her name is -- simple stuff. Men worry about coming across as creepy at this point and as long as you are just being genuine and fun, she will enjoy the interaction while you practice your skills.

With practice, these 3 steps will aid you in overcoming your fear of approaching women. Try it out and let me know how it goes!

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

Want to Become a Certified Dating Coach and Help Others Find Love?
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Ask the Expert: Five Reasons the First Date Failed

Question:I meet a lot of girls and don’t have a problem getting a first date. The thing is that things rarely get past the first date. My friends have joked that I am the King of First Dates. I honestly don’t know why this is and it’s getting frustrating. I need reasons why the first date failed... and continues to fail.

Answer: There could be a number of things going on. I thought we’d first start with some of the very basics and you can make sure you aren’t doing any of these. Once you find these are covered, we can move on to what else might be going on. These are common first date

1) You were late

Being late can set a tone for the date that we just can’t shake. As women, we try to get past it but somewhere in our brain, we are thinking “unreliable, unreliable, unreliable”. My advice to you is, at least 30 minutes before you are to meet up, check in with yourself to see if you can honestly make it on time. Put an alarm in your phone to remind yourself. If there is absolutely no way because of unexpected traffic, or an emergency work commitment, pick up the phone and say something like, “Hi (date), I’m calling to let you know that I am going to be late and I apologize. I will see you at 7:30 instead of 7:00. I’m sorry about this and I’m looking forward to seeing you.” You don’t need to go into the reasons why you are making a “late call”. Just get to the point and be apologetic. She will appreciate the advanced warning and you might catch her before she’s left her house or at least before she gets to the date location – giving her the option to maybe pop into a bookstore or other shop nearby. The key is NOT to call her at 7:00 (agreed meeting time) saying you will be there at 7:30.

2) You’re too attached to your Mobile

I could go on about phone etiquette but the point I want to make is that dates are all about the opportunity to be with a woman face-to-face. She deserves to be your centre of attention and, that IS what she wants. Clear up your outside commitments before the date. If you absolutely, positively have to answer a call from the office at some point, then let her know in advance that a call may come in. When it does, keep it short, then turn your phone off and immediately pick up the conversation where you left off rather than going into detail about what the call was about – especially if it’s stressful. Just take a deep breath and switch gears back to the date.

3) You stressed the negatives

We’re really only interested in hearing about things you are good at. If you are poking fun at yourself, make sure it’s light and positive. Here’s an example of what not to say: “You’re a really good dancer, I don’t know why you’d want to hang out with me.” Here’s an example of what to say: “Wow, I’m a lucky guy to hang out with such a good dancer – where did you say you took your lessons?”. Subtle change but it has an entirely different affect on women.

4) You made her your therapist

You got so comfortable with us that you started to open up. Before you knew it, you were giving us details on your ex-girlfriends and some of the problems you struggled with. We’re not interested in helping you work out your past relationship problems while we’re on a date with you. You may get mixed signals from us because of our natural interest in relationships but it’s best you just steer completely away from talking about your own past relationships.

5) You kept commiserating instead of connecting

I see this a lot, especially in the online dating community. Some of the first questions you ask when you meet offline is to talk about all the horrible online dates you’ve been on. Let me say this, commiserating is NOT to be confused with connecting. Spending an entire date talking about how hard dating can be is totally counterproductive. Connect on positive aspects of your lives, not negative aspects.

To your authenticity,

Love, Christine

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